Rape in India.A mathematical angle.

In the recent past there has been focus on rape in India due to a gory and heinous rape committed against a young woman in Delhi by a few men. There has been general uproar that the rape rate is going up and strict laws and quick implementation of such laws is of paramount importance. There have been suggestions from committees what steps to be taken to bring about necessary changes.                                                                                   

                                                                                   

All this is good and necessary. There should be very strict laws against rape and such laws have to be implemented quickly and efficiently and all the necessary measures that have to be taken should be taken at the earliest.                                                                                 

However I would like to point out a few things which may throw a new light on this subject.                                                                               

I was thinking about the increased number of rape in India (it has doubled within a decade or so).However what we have to consider that population of India has grown also by a substantial number during that period. Also there is the fact that the life expectancy of India has grown by almost 9 (or slightly higher) years from 1990 to 2010-11.                                                                              

Therefore the percentage of adult population (above 18) who are more prone to this crime has increased.                                                                         

Let us take this factor one by one.                                                                             

The population in India was 1241491960 (on July 2011 as per World Bank data.)                         

No of rape cases reported in 2011 in India=  23582  (Data supplied by Indian home ministry).                

There are always large no of unreported cases of rape due to various reasons. The experts differ in their opinion about how much is the percentage of unreported cases. But we may take any arbitrary value and I have chosen to be quite liberal about it and taken this as 15 times the reported cases.

                                                                       

Then the percentage of rape as a percentage of total population comes to= (15×23582) ÷ (1241491960×100) =0.028

This is an arbitrary number and varies according to how many times the unreported against the reported cases you have assumed.                                                                                                                                    

We must remember that most of the rape cases are committed by the adult population, that is people aged above 18.                                                                                                                                               

The percentage of people above 18 is about   60% in 2011.                                                                                                                          

So if we take account of the this factor then the percentage of rape cases in ratio of adult population in India in 2011 is = (15×23582)/ (0.6×1241491960×100) = 0.047        %

This is also an arbitrary number because I have taken an arbitrary value of unreported cases to be 15 times the reported cases.                                                                                                                                   

Now let us have a look at the figure of year 1990.                                                                                                                                        

(All data are supplied by the same sources)                                                                                                                                       

The population in India in 1990 =873785400                                                                                                           

No of rape cases reported in 1990 in India=  9200                                                                                       

We can very safely and legitimately assume that the unreported cases were far higher 20 years back because of different sociological issues like the stigma attached to the rape and lack of media coverage.                                                                                                                                            

If we  assume the arbitrary number of times of unreported cases against reported cases to be 1.6 times than 20 year later which seems very sensible, then the percentage of rape as a percentage of total population is = (1.6×15×9200)/( 873785400×100) = 0.025                                                                                         

We see an increase in ratio of percentage of rape cases against of total population =0.028/0.025 =1.13 times, that is a 13 percent increase

                                   

However the as the life expectancy was lower in 1990 compared to 2011 the percentage of adult population was also considerably lower.                                                                                                                                                                

As I said the life expectancy has increased by almost 9 years or more during this period we may assume that the adult population of age above is was around 53.5% of total population.                 

Therefore the percentage of rape cases as against the adult population in 1990= (1.6×15×9200)/ (0.535×873785400×100) = 0.047%                                                   

Although this is also an arbitrary number but it is a significant one.                                                                                                                                                             

Because the ratio of rape cases as percentage of adult population in 2011 and 1990 is = 0.047/0.047 = 1 that is same and a constant number.                                                         

Therefore rape cases have not increased perhaps not at all if we look at proper perspective.                                                             

You can juggle around with the times of unreported cases to the reported cases any way you like. But if you accept the fact that unreported cases  were 60%  higher 20 years back then there is no change in percentage of rape as regards to the adult population of India which is the most significant number.

You go on interpolating these data as long as you can but this constant number will not change significantly with change of time.                                                                                                                                                                      

So the basic nature of man kind perhaps does not change whatever laws and regulations and mechanisms are there.                                                                                                                                                             

There is also another interesting comparison to make.                                                           

The population of United States 2011 was 304094000 (Supplied by US CENSUS BUREAU)

No of rape cases in United States in that year 90000.

We must take account that in US rape cases are far more reported including minor offences.                                                        

Also the efficiency of law making, implementation of laws and finding out crimes are far more accurate in US than in India.                                                          

So if we take the unreported cases in US 3 times less than India the percentage of rape cases as against total population of that country becomes=(15/3)× 90000/(304094000×100) = 0.148                                                      

Then the rate of rape compared to India is 0.148/0.028 = 5.28 times.

The adult population of US higher than India due to higher life expectancy in that country .So the percentage of rape in comparison to the adult population will be higher.                            

One can take different data at different years and make that comparison between India and US, but my hunch is that these factors will not change significantly.                                                  

The data and factors for European countries vary slightly from US but do not change significantly.

                                   

This leads us to another conclusion that whatever laws you make and irrespective of efficiency of law making and implementing those does not affect that much upon the rapes committed.

There must be many reasons and external and internal factors why percentage of rape is higher in western countries than in India, since I do not believe the innate nature of the people vary from country to country.

However it may be concluded that the basic nature of man does not change regardless of laws and implementations. 

MY BABYHOOD DAYS

I was playing with young grass in the compound of our dwelling when my father suddenly came and took me to my first school. I did not know where I was going and I had no notion of a school although my father once or twice said it was time I should enter a school. My mother was not too enthusiastic about it and when my father beckoned me said that it was too sudden and early

As we entered the school a dark middle aged woman asked my father my name, age etc. and without much ado I was directed to a classroom. Some singing was going on and I was directed by the teacher to join the singing. We stood in front of the room facing it, sang a song I heard for the first time. I did not know it so I moved my lips following others. I heard and sung that song innumerable time later in my life. It was “Jana Gana Mana”...our national anthem.

Until this point of time my father was there and I thought it was all over and now he will take me home. However he smiled and told me to be a good boy and prepared to leave. At that point concept of being alone without my parents was totally unthinkable to me and I began to cry loudly and thrash my hands and feet. The lady gave me a few lozenges and said a few soft words and my father said he will come back soon. At this I calmed down somewhat and my father left. I rejoined the class. The room was full of little boys and girls and everybody seemed to do what they liked although the teacher seemed to say something. Only other thing I remember is that the room was full of toys which I never saw before.

At the end of the school my father came back and took me home.

We lived in a sleepy little place called Laheriasari in Darbhanga district in Bihar. Our place, although rented, was almost palatial in size with 11 rooms and a kitchen. My father worked as a District Sales Representative of an oil company named Burma Shell.

He managed to earn a bit of money by dint of hard work and native intelligence (although he could manage to pass only intermediate level before he was forced to join office at the young age of 15 due to financial needs) and bought a car (it was not so easy to buy a car those days) in the year of 1958, the same year I was born. The introduction of the car (An Ambassador Mark-1) and I were almost simultaneous in the family and the car served us for next forty years or more.

He was a handsome man, although not very tall but very proportionate and fair.

My mother was a simple woman who spent most of her time at home, mostly alone as my father was frequently on tour. I and my elder brother were her only companions except the “dais’(maids) and occasional neighbors.

We had a large compound where I played cricket with my brother with a rubber ball. One day as he was bowling I swung my heavy bat, perhaps heavier than myself, which unfortunately missed the ball and hit my head. It was quite an injury and my mother was inconsolable about it and panicked and somehow managed to put some ointment or something and made me safe and comfortable again.

The school was mostly fun with lots of toys and playing in a playground where a lot of birds used to come. One day I took out my tiffin box which my mother gave me and surprised to find strange looking sweets inside it. They tasted  exquisite and I was still wondering why my mother was not providing me with these everyday when a teacher came and started to search for something. It transpired that I ate from the lookalike tiffin box of the daughter of a “Nawab” who happened to sit beside me. The poor girl had to eat the “halua” my mother sent for me.

We played all day with a bit of learning. Everybody had his or her birthday celebrated in the little school. On my birthday my mother came for the first time to the school in a rickshaw with biscuits and sweets in her hand. We all enjoyed those things except one boy who started to have nausea and vomited.

At the end of school we eagerly ran outside and one of the servants waited for me with a bicycle to take me back home. The journey to home was fun as the streets were dotted with nice  little houses, gardens and playgrounds.

One day in the school my teachers were running and playing with each other (they were actually quite young women who spent some time at school) at the outside courtyard and suddenly one butterfly flew in and sat on one of the teacher’s head. The other ones began to say “ Hey look, you have a butterfly on your forehead. Wedding bells are going to ring soon for you.”

I reported this to my mother during lunch and when a few teachers gave our house a friendly visit my mother related it to them. They were taken aback a bit and laughed and said “Dulur samne to kichui bola jabe na dekhchi” (“ We have to be careful what we say in front of Dulu”).

My father worked in a separate office room. Numerous people visited him for different reasons and some sent us gifts. Huge bags full of mangoes used to come at our home during summer.

I used to play with a few children in the quite spacious patio and with the little car my father bought for me. It had two pedals and I was all the time pushing the pedals and moving up and down in the verandah and the large corridors inside. I feigned to smoke a pipe like my father and used to have frequent “accidents”. Somehow accidents meant glamour to me and my constant companion Usiah (the little daughter of our maid of my own age). My mother sometimes used to watch my activities surreptitiously which I disliked. I wanted to be alone when I played and have “ accidents’” in front of Usiah.

Then one day I and Usiah found a packing box, got inside it and began to give “injections” to each other. On my birthday I was presented with a ‘”doctor’s set” from school. It had a stethoscope, thermometer, wool, syringe and a few other things inside it. I pedaled my car all day with my doctor’s set and poked my stethoscope at my brother and mother at my sweet will. Giving “injections” were of prior importance because it added “glamour” to me.

As I and Usiah “injected” each other we soon found that the thighs and the particularly the portion above it were places we were most interested to give injections. I still remember I had quite an erection and  it was my most pleasurable moment of early days. The only thing I was disappointed at was that it seemed to me was  Usiah was not showing her“thingy”.What she showed was a bit wet and smelly. I did not know that Usiah had a different “thingy”.

I do not know how good student I was. It did not matter. What I remember is that one night I made a mistake in whatever sum I was doing and my mother was furious at it and  hit my back with a scale. And the scale broke. The scale was a very light one and I was not hurt at all but my mother suddenly became very apologetic and in a fearful voice pleaded me not to tell my father about this. I was a bit amused by this sudden turn of event but kept mum about my promise not to tell my father. I saw a good opportunity to blackmail my mother who tortured me everyday with sums and all that and smiled inside myself. However after sometime I said “yes” to my mom and went to sleep. At that night I could hear my mother confessing to my dad about this “crime’ of her in a low voice in the adjacent room.

At night I generally refused to eat food that was offered to me. At this time our servant Rameshish  would begin to tell me about ghosts who haunted the house and broke the neck of children who refused to eat food .This made me eat my rotis quietly.

At this time the war with China broke out. People talked with my father about how Chinese forces were fast approaching inside Ladakh and NEFA(now Arunachal Pradesh) and Assam. There were trenches dug in the big “Polo Field”. My elder brother, Rameshish and I used to go there every day in a bicycle and play hide and seek there. I used to be put inside one of the trenches after which they vanished. I came out of the trench struggling, would not see them anywhere and feel rather forlorn when suddenly they would appear and laugh at me.

At some point at this time “Chacha Nehru” came to Laheriasarai and gave a speech in the Polo Field. Rameshish went there with a tractor and asked me whether I wanted to come. Although I wanted terribly my mother forbade me and I lost the opportunity to see Jawaharlal Nehru.

One day Rameshis and my elder brother were mixing something green which they ate. I wanted to eat too but they did not give it to me although I tasted a little. It tasted queer.

After that my mother took me to a neighbor’s house for a lunch invitation. It was quite a long time before we returned home but my brother was nowhere to be seen Reports began to come in that he was being seen riding his bicycle dangerously over a thin railway line.

At about evening he came back. Suddenly I saw my mother holding his hair and beating him furiously with a stick. He was simultaneously crying and vomiting. My mother was shouting “ Bandor fer siddhi khele tor gola tipe mere felbo”( “ Monkey I will strangle you to death if you ever touch cannabis again”). My brother was sick and could not move. My mother was alone and  did not know what to do and cried . Then the tall, dark and somber tutor of my brother Haridas Babu came and advised my mother to give my brother some raw tea liquor. This acted like magic, my brother vomited a little more but became normal again

My brother also told me that magicians could make things vanish. I wondered how it could be done. One night I took a futo –poisa ( a coin with a hole at the middle of it) and tried to “vanish” it. I found my mouth was the best place where it could be hidden. Unfortunately the coin slipped inside my tongue and went straight to my stomach. I did not speak about it to my mother in fear but later I told. My father took me to the hospital where the doctor made an x-ray of my belly and found the coin was  lodged inside it. He gave my father some liquid which I drank after meals for a few days. Everyday my poop was searched diligently to find the coin. And finally one day it was found. Everybody laughed and smiled and rejoiced at my poop.

And then Diwali came. The tops of small boundary wall of our compound were lighted up with ‘dia’s (oil lit lamps).The whole neighborhood was a sea of light. There were chorkis and kali potkas and dodomas. Our neighbors sent us sweets. My elder brother even tried his hands at uron tubris. However which amused me most were chunchobajis  which spade at velocity at surprising angles and directions sometimes causing utter panic among who were in the vicinity.

A few days later father was transferred  to Calcutta and a new phase of my life began. My Laherisarai days were over.

VIRTUAL DEN

VIRTUAL DEN

20 years back I was a member of an online forum called Virtual Den. Internet was in full bloom, contraweb had not evolved yet and man had not yet set foot on Mars. All these new tele-tranportation has not arrived. People were still wondering about the new wonder of internet and all the benefits and damages it brought to mankind. I was a very avid net surfer and got introduced to a few people through chat (internet chat was very popular then).

Some guys were energetic and brought this forum into being. I joined there by invitation from a friend.

At first I was not interested too much about it. Then after a few visits I got more and more interested , began to know a few people and made a few postings. People were kind and enthusiastic and generally appreciated those. And I made a few friends.

There were lot of golpo gujob (chatting) ,leg pulling ( as it is now in t-t), online romance and cattiness and bitchiness as well.

I was not very good in this “romance” but I liked a few women and a few of them liked me. Some were more adept at it and they had a large number of male or female fans according to their gender.

I also had one or two enemies who did not like me. Although I generally avoided encounters some were forced upon me and I could not disentangle myself from them.

The forum grew for sometime. But then there were regular online scuffles among a few members. Also some new members joined and some did not like them at all. So the scuffles grew. At the beginning it was a bit interesting but as it took quite serious shape some people left the forum out of disgust. After three years or so the old administrators also got a bit tired and the forum became a bit sluggish.

But again some new dynamic members came and it grew again. There were new energetic administrators, new innovations, new romances, new leg-pulling, new themes and new controversies.

There were many kind of people. There were poets, scientists, philosophers, writers, artists and some all combined. Some were gentle ,some kind, some witty, some aggressive. In fact there were all kinds of people.

Also there were meets. Some of the members gathered together, chatted and gossiped and ate food and drank soft drinks and took photographs. These meets were both illuminating in the sense we got to see people whom we only knew by their name and act. On the other hand sometimes these were boring because it looked like getting to know anew and we could not find the same rapport and openness in this new “introduction”.

Virtual Den got smaller again because of the same and some other new reasons. After two or three cycles of growing and shrinking it disintegrated. People got too busy with other things. New technologies like T-T arrived. Some of the key people got too old etc. It became rather obsolete to chat online when one could go any where in earth at will at a second’s notice.

I also grew quite old. As I look from my fifty story condominium below it looks so different. It is a maze of new fly-overs everywhere. I have trouble walking few paces. I manage somehow to write from a very  old laptop ( I am still used to laptops) and reminisce about those days and my beloved wife who passed away a few years back.

Suddenly there is a knock in the door. I manage to get up somehow and open the door.

An old man stood there with a glint in his eyes. I could not recognize him at first. Generally I don’t remember things these days well.

But then he smiled and with a twinkle in his eyes he said..” Don’t you remember me? I am your old enemy ……… from Virtual Den”.

A SHORT STORY

There was a man in Calcutta who was very handsome. He was actually an engineer. However he did not earn anything because he had a mental defect .

He had a beautiful wife. The wife was not only beautiful but very learned.

The wife loved him very much. She loved him because he was so handsome.

Since the man could not earn enough she had to work in a office.

But she did not like to work in the office as well because there was so much tension and rigor involved in it.

Although the wife worked she did not earn enough so that they could live in the way they wanted to live.

But she worked everyday diligently because she loved her hubby.

She could not rise in the morning, still she did. She had tummy aches, headaches, backaches and nausea. Yet she went to office every day. She could not see her husband going hungry.

Every month they found some money wanting. She tried hard to even earn more for her husband. She developed blood sugar. She had many other ailments.

To make up the want they had to sell their possession little by little.

The wife had to sell her beautiful ornaments.

She cried and begged her husband to earn a little...

The husband tried as best he could. But because of his defect he could not earn anything.

Slowly all their possession evaporated.

They were distraught.

The wife nagged and begged to her husband everyday.

Husband thought hard but could not find a way out.

But one day he was walking in the road and found that a luxurious car was standing in front of the house.

A little crooked ugly man came out from the car with another man.

The ugly man came straight towards him. He stood in front of him and said “Hello, I want to talk with you.”

The husband said – yes?

The ugly man said “See I am a very rich man but my wife hates me because I am ugly. This guy beside me a cosmetic surgeon from USA. He is a genius. He says he can make me the most handsome man in the world. But only if another handsome man gives up his beauty for me. It is called genetic transplantation of new kind. I think you are the most handsome man in Calcutta. Will you give some of your beauty to me. I will give money according to the amount of physical beauty you give me.”

They negotiated for money for a long time.

Then the man sold all his possession and became a short black crooked ugly man and came back home with 2 crore rupees.

And the man and the wife lived happily ever after.

LOVE AND HATE

In the myriad of acquaintances, or by blood relations, we come across some people we love and sometimes we hate.

What is love and hate actually? To define these two words is one of the most difficult things in the world.But I, in my arrogance and vainness, will try.

Love perhaps is the affinity towards a person because of which we forget and forgive one’s faults and frailties and continues to like the person.

Hate is the opposite. When we hate somebody we dislike him or her in spite of his or her qualities and ability.

Of course love can be described for a different kind of emotion. That is we sometimes love objects and habits, which is inanimate things because of our natural habit and genetic conditioning and perhaps other things.

However when we say love someone or something it always is an emotion which always describe our affinity to that person and object. Hate obviously is the opposite.

How we come to love someone. It is an indefinable quantity. Sometimes we like someone for looks, sometime wit, sometime humor, and sometime wealth, sometimes the twinkle in the eye and sometime for nothing at all.

But that is the beginning. With time love grows because our egos are fulfilled by the person we love. Sometimes when we are tired and helpless and almost totally destroyed physically or mentally, a soft (or hard) touch of hand almost miraculously saves us from total destruction. People, when they love somebody, are beside those whom they love when their need is paramount.

Hate on the other hand makes us do the opposite things which love does. That is we want to destroy them physically and/or mentally and want them totally destroyed.

Why the same person is loved and hated by two other persons or sometimes the same person?

The answer to the first question is that we view the same person from different angles at different times and situations. We hate the same persons we loved when they are insensible to our physical or emotional needs and hurting us by their insensitivity.

We tend to love someone after long association because the more the time grows the more the person serves our emotional and physical need and we tend to forget the person’s little and sometime big folly.

Same is true for hate but in the opposite sense. His or her follies override in the long term all the qualities the person may have.

We naturally love our off springs or our other blood relations because they are almost part of us. Genetically and experience wise they share much of the same things we do. They inherently understand our likes and dislikes, emotional and physical needs. However in extreme situations when all or some of the requirements are not met by the blood relations we may hate them also.

However for some indefinable reason we love or hate somebody sometime in spite of all the factors I have mentioned above.

LUST AND ANGER

Lust and anger are perhaps two most hated words in holy text books.

We need these two things for our survival. Without lust there is no creation. Every living being in some way or other has to have at some point a little bit of lust to procreate and the survival of its genes.

In fact the in Hindu holy books it is suggested that God created this world out of his lust.

Lust is a central thing that brings the two opposite sexes closer and eventually to procreation.

However lust, if not used in a prudent and deliberate manner is destructive. The rise of lust reduces the cognitive abilities of mind. The mind becomes erratic and agitated and the faculty of judgment is lost. We are prone to hasty and destructive decisions if the mind is full of lust most of the time. Lust has a way of dragging people to greater and greater amount of mental and physical pain and ignominy.

However without a pinch of lust the world loses its meaning. In fact all the color and beauty of the world is almost lost without a bit of lust. In fact the day we will stop lusting completely we will cease to exist because the basic urge to live on will be gone.

Anger is very similar to lust. It is needed for existence. Without a bit of anger we lose our ability to protest and protect ourselves from the hands of predators.

But anger also has same effect on mind as lust by making it volatile and losing the basic power of judgment. An angry mind is incapable of deep thinking and thoughtful decisions. Uncontrolled anger can not only destroy us but an angry mind has the ability to bring misery and pain to lot of other people.

But with total lack of anger we will lose the ability to defend ourselves and survive .Just like lust it is an essential part of life.

So the key word is control. When used in a controlled and prudent manner these two vital but dangerous elements of our existence make our life beautiful and meaningful. For that we need regular mental and physical exercise and discipline. Yoga and meditation are two things which are very helpful in keeping these two things under check.

To do any meaningful work we need a calm and controlled mind .And lust and anger destroys them.

Surprising the urge to do a meaningful work has foundation in lust and anger, basic ingredients to enjoy our existence and protect ourselves.

THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN LIFE

The most important thing in life is to do what you like most. Because ultimately it gives you health, wealth and most importantly, happiness.

Naturally we do what we like most. But to make it one’s life work is easier said than done.

One of the difficult things is to find out is what you like most. Most people are, fortunately or unfortunately, endowed with many sided talents. There are people who are gifted both mathematically and artistically. There are others who are good both at sports and music. In fact I have known a few persons who are such abundantly gifted that it is really one of the most difficult task to find out which will make them happiest. It is with time, experience and introspection one comes to understand what gift will really make him happy.

A few are fortunate. They by chance find out what they like most at a very young age. And they pursue it naturally with unwavering attention throughout their whole life. Generally they succeed in life at a young age. They become famous and celebrities. Others are not so lucky. They find it after some failures and sometimes many many failures. But when one finds it, it is important to stick to it. And do it against seemingly overwhelming odds. Every man is subject to mood fluctuations. It is natural that at many times different issues will cloud his mind and tell him to pursue something else that may be more beneficial due to financial or other requirements. However this veering from one’s path becomes the one thing that is greatest hurdle in succeeding, financially and otherwise. This brings unhappiness to oneself. It is when we learn to stick to our own thing even at greatest odds that we become really mature and profoundly happy.

So the stick –to-it eve ness to what one is doing is the second most important thing.

When one does a thing which he likes most, all of his work becomes work of love. And work of love produces quality things. He produces and gives quality things to this world. The world by natural law gives him back quality things to him including health, wealth and glory.

So what we should do when we are in doubt?

Submit yourself to God. He is the doer of all deeds. He will make you do what you should do. The utter submission to God takes away the burden from oneself and releases one’s fountain of energy

A man doing what he loves most has a happy mind. And happy mind gives an unbounded energy. That makes his health robust and strong. This also makes his general disposition and countenance cheerful and likable. And that brings more success.

You may ask what to do with many sided gifts. I think there are many things which require many sided knowledge and flair. But ultimately one has to find for himself what suits him most.

Those who have found their life work are happy men and they are in their way already. But those who have not yet found it, it is not the end of the world. Remember what you have done until now is just the foundation of what you will do from now on. So every experience, every thing that happened in your life is just a preparation for what you are going to do next and achieve.

So be introspective and find it if you have not found it yet.

THE PERSONAL GOD

Have you ever thought if there is a personal God?

I think most of us agree that there is a cosmic power that moves everything in universe or universes. All the matter and energy as deciphered by science interact in a way which is most of the times incomprehensible to us. But we know they do ,actually matter and energy are same .

But the question is ,is there a personal god who cares for little me? For my health, wealth and happiness? That is a question we all ask.

Have you ever had a deep healing sleep? It is a most precious thing in the world. It comes naturally. If you are having sleep problem you may take sleeping pills but it does not guarantee a deep healing sleep .It causes drowsiness and hangovers. If it happens with or without sleeping pills it seems to happen by chance.

I had such a sleep yesterday. For a few days I was burdened with worries and my inaction. Try as I may I could not sleep well. Not even with the help of sleeping pills.

I dwelled on the thought of suicide a few times. I thought of my useless life etc. Each day I got up irritated  from lack of sleep and went to bed with a heavy heart. Try as I may I could not rectify it.

Suddenly yesterday I slept well and a healing, peaceful and joyful feeling came inside my being. I dreamt strange dreams. In my dream I saw my wife and relatives naked although I was dressed. They all were playing and sleeping over sand dunes. After I got up with a freshness that I have not long enjoyed.

And  this thought came to my mind. Whether god is personal? This sleep and health and joy I was craving for suddenly came to me without knowing. I could not get it with all my trying and suddenly it came.  And the central thing that came to my mind is that we must not crave for anything. If it has to come it will come naturally. We should even leave the thought that we must do something in life. That is central. Then automatically comes a relief and we are free to from our pain. In fact we cannot even do that. If that thought comes to our mind that is not in our control. All that happened to me, this sleep etc. came automatically. It is the same cosmic power that drives the universe made me sleep well. And gave me power to be happy and think well again. And clear thinking opens up road to wealth. So that same cosmic power is my personal god as well. That cosmic power cares for my well being.

You may say we must TRY. But as I went on thinking I found that we cannot try on our own will. In fact the very thing WILL comes from that very cosmic power and when we have that we surge ahead with an indomitable force. When that power is not behind us we cannot do a thing. You may say why do not pray? Well when you are in the down in deep dumps there is not even the will to pray. So praying, trying and everything else is a boon to us from that cosmic power which is personal god in a way.

We are composed of matter and energy and as I told you matter and energy are interchangeable. But we have minds. So in some way matter and energy in some way must have minds too , the essence is in them. If the cosmic power is made up of matter or energy that cosmic power must have a mind of its own . You may argue that if matter and energy combine in a particular manner we have a mind. My argument is the essence of mind must be inside every particle or non particle in universe other wise mind would not have come from . That intrinsic thing, which we call mind, is inside everything in this universe or universes . We are made up of our body, that is a chemical composition of a few things. That chemical composition and energy impulses inside it creates mind. So if that intrinsic thing were not inside these chemical things and the energy generated by them, we would not have minds. Therefore the cosmic power has also a mind. And that cosmic power with a mind drives me.  Therefore I have a personal God.

And that personal God made me write this.